Monthly Archives: September 2005

Computer Gender

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. “House” for instance, is feminine — “la casa” “Phone”, however, is masculine — “el telephono.”

A student asked, “What gender is ‘computer’?” Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether “computer” should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men’s group decided that “computer” should definitely be of the feminine gender (“la computadora”), because:
1. no one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. the native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. as soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (el computador”), because:
1. in order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2.they have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;
3. they are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. as soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The result? The women won. HAHAHA!!!

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Mga Kasagutan sa mga Tanong ng Bumabagabag sa Iyong Isipan

Ang aking kaibigan ay mayroon lang mga ilang katanungan na matagal nang bumabagabag sa kanyang araw-araw na pamumuhay. Maaaring ang iba rito ay alam na rin ito ngunit walang makapagbigay ng akmang kasagutan o pagpapaliwanag. Ito ay ang mga sumusunod:

1. Pwede bang uminom ng softdrink kapag coffee break? Pwedeng uminom ng softdrink kung coffebreak ngunit kailangan itong lagyan ng asukal at kopimeyt. Kopimeyt dapat at huwag gatas. (milk in my cereal, kopimeyt in my pepsi. Sounds good to me!)

2. Pwede bang gamitin ang a.m. radio pag gabi na? Maari lamang gamitin ang a.m. radio kapag gabi kung ang iyong pakikinggan ay f.m.

3. Ang fire exit ba ay labasan ng apoy? Ang fire exit ay ginagamit lamang bilang labasan ng apoy kapag may sunog. Ito ang kanilang daan upang sila’y makatakas o ang tinatawag na “fire escape.”

4. Ang uod ba pag namatay ay inuuod din? Ang tao kapag namatay ay hindi tinatao. Malamang ang uod ay hindi rin inuuod. Kung ang tao ay inuuod kapag nalaguatan ng hininga, siguro ang uod kapag namatay ay tinatao.

5. Totoo bang ang mga manok na pinatay sa Jolibee ay masasaya kaya sila tinawag na Chicken Joy?  Ang mga manok na pinatay sa Jolibee ay masaya kung kaya’t sila’y tinawag na Chicken Joy. Ngunit hindi kinakailangang sa Jolibee patayin ang manok upang maging ito ay maging masaya…ang mga manok ay nagiging masaya kapag sila ay may kasama sa buhay. Kapag ito ay nag-iisa lamang, ito ay hindi Chicken Joy kundi…McChicken Singles. (Ang pinakamasayang manok sa lahat ay iyong 6pc. Chicken McNuggets)

6. Kung ang 7-11 store ay bukas 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week, at 365 days a year, bakit may lock pa ang pinto nila? Bakit? Bakit? Dalawa ang dahilan. Una, may coffee break (tingnan ang katanungan bilang 1 hinggil sa maaaring inumin kapag coffe break) din naman ang mga nagtatrabaho sa 7-11. Pangalawa, mayroon tayong tinatawag na leap year.

7. Bakit di mataas ang highway? Dahil kung mataas ang highway, walang paglalagyan ng skyway.

8. Ba’t alang lumilipad na sasakyan sa flyover? Hindi lang natin nakikita ang mga nagliliparang sasakyan sapagkat hindi tayo tumitingala kapag tayo ay nasa flyover. Ang pagsalin ng dayuhang salita na flyover sa katutubong wika ay “fly”-lipad, “over”-sa ibabaw. Ibig sabihin nito na ang mga kotse ay hindi lumilipad sa flyover ngunit sa ibabaw ng flyover. Ngayon kung titingala ka naman kapag ikaw ay nasa flyover ang tangi mong makikita ay ang kisame ng iyong sasakyan.

Sana ay nasagot ko ang iyong mga tanong at kung mayroon pang ibang bagay na bumabagabag sa iyong isipan huwag kang mag-alinlangang magpadala sa akin ng e-mail.  at lagi rin natin sana tandaan ang dayuhang salawikain na “ask a dumb question and you’ll get a dumb answer.”

Mga Kasagutan sa mga Tanong ng Bumabagabag sa Iyong Isipan


Ang aking kaibigan ay mayroon lang mga ilang katanungan na matagal nang bumabagabag sa kanyang araw-araw na pamumuhay. Maaaring ang iba rito ay alam na rin ito ngunit walang makapagbigay ng akmang kasagutan o pagpapaliwanag. Ito ay ang mga sumusunod:

1. Pwede bang uminom ng softdrink kapag coffee break? Pwedeng uminom ng softdrink kung coffebreak ngunit kailangan itong lagyan ng asukal at kopimeyt. Kopimeyt dapat at huwag gatas. (milk in my cereal, kopimeyt in my pepsi. Sounds good to me!)

2. Pwede bang gamitin ang a.m. radio pag gabi na? Maari lamang gamitin ang a.m. radio kapag gabi kung ang iyong pakikinggan ay f.m.

3. Ang fire exit ba ay labasan ng apoy? Ang fire exit ay ginagamit lamang bilang labasan ng apoy kapag may sunog. Ito ang kanilang daan upang sila’y makatakas o ang tinatawag na “fire escape.”

4. Ang uod ba pag namatay ay inuuod din? Ang tao kapag namatay ay hindi tinatao. Malamang ang uod ay hindi rin inuuod. Kung ang tao ay inuuod kapag nalaguatan ng hininga, siguro ang uod kapag namatay ay tinatao.

5. Totoo bang ang mga manok na pinatay sa Jolibee ay masasaya kaya sila tinawag na Chicken Joy?  Ang mga manok na pinatay sa Jolibee ay masaya kung kaya’t sila’y tinawag na Chicken Joy. Ngunit hindi kinakailangang sa Jolibee patayin ang manok upang maging ito ay maging masaya…ang mga manok ay nagiging masaya kapag sila ay may kasama sa buhay. Kapag ito ay nag-iisa lamang, ito ay hindi Chicken Joy kundi…McChicken Singles. (Ang pinakamasayang manok sa lahat ay iyong 6pc. Chicken McNuggets)

6. Kung ang 7-11 store ay bukas 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week, at 365 days a year, bakit may lock pa ang pinto nila? Bakit? Bakit? Dalawa ang dahilan. Una, may coffee break (tingnan ang katanungan bilang 1 hinggil sa maaaring inumin kapag coffe break) din naman ang mga nagtatrabaho sa 7-11. Pangalawa, mayroon tayong tinatawag na leap year.

7. Bakit di mataas ang highway? Dahil kung mataas ang highway, walang paglalagyan ng skyway.

8. Ba’t alang lumilipad na sasakyan sa flyover? Hindi lang natin nakikita ang mga nagliliparang sasakyan sapagkat hindi tayo tumitingala kapag tayo ay nasa flyover. Ang pagsalin ng dayuhang salita na flyover sa katutubong wika ay “fly”-lipad, “over”-sa ibabaw. Ibig sabihin nito na ang mga kotse ay hindi lumilipad sa flyover ngunit sa ibabaw ng flyover. Ngayon kung titingala ka naman kapag ikaw ay nasa flyover ang tangi mong makikita ay ang kisame ng iyong sasakyan.


Sana ay nasagot ko ang iyong mga tanong at kung mayroon pang ibang bagay na bumabagabag sa iyong isipan huwag kang mag-alinlangang magpadala sa akin ng e-mail.  at lagi rin natin sana tandaan ang dayuhang salawikain na “ask a dumb question and you’ll get a dumb answer.”

Final Exam

WORLD HISTORY 
Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief and concise, yet specific.

ASTRONOMY
Define the universe; give three examples. 

MEDICINE
You will be provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15 minutes. 

COMPUTER SCIENCE
Write a fifth-generation computer language. Using this language, create a computer program to finish the rest of this exam for you. 

PUBLIC SPEAKING
Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin, Hebrew, or Greek. 

CIVIL ENGINEERING
This is a practical test of your design and building skills. With the boxes of toothpicks and glue present, build a platform that will support your weight when you and your platform are suspended over a vat of nitric acid. 

MECHANICAL ENGINEERING
The disassembled parts of a howitzer have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In 10 minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel is appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision. 

ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING
You will be placed in a nuclear reactor and given a partial copy of the electrical layout. The electrical system has been tampered with. You have seventeen minutes to find the problem and correct it before the reactor melts down. 

BIOLOGY
Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500,000 years earlier, with special attention to the probable effect, if any, on the Philippine social spectrum circa 1640. Prove your thesis. 

RELIGION
Perform a miracle. Creativity will be judged. 

MUSIC
Write a full piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with a flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat. 

LOGIC
Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position.

CHEMISTRY

You must identify a poison sample which you will find at your lab table. All necessary equipment has been provided. There are two beakers at your desk, one of which holds the antidote. If the wrong substance is used, it causes instant death. You may begin as soon as the professor injects you with a sample of the poison. 

PSYCHOLOGY
Based on your knowledge of their early works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramses II, Gregory of Nicea, and Hammurabi. Support your evaluations with quotations from each man’s work, making appropriate references. Translate all quotations in Tagalog. 

SOCIOLOGY
Identify the sociological problems which might be associated with the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory. 

ECONOMICS
Describe in four hundred words or less what you would have done to prevent the Great Depression. 

MATHEMATICS
You have 60 seconds to mentally solve the mathematical problem below. Begin.

8,256.091 + _________ – ________ x ________ ¸ ________ = -38.07623

(Bonus question: Why is 11 not pronounced onety one? Provide a full numerical analysis in justifying your answer.) 

POLITICAL SCIENCE
There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any. 

ART
Given one eight-count box of crayons and three sheets of notebook paper, recreate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Skin tones should be true to life. 

PHYSICS
Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an in-depth evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science. 

METAPHYSICS
Describe in detail the nature of life after death. Test your hypothesis. 

PHILOSOPHY
Sketch the development of human thought. Estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought. 

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE
Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.

Final Exam

WORLD HISTORY
Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief and concise, yet specific.


ASTRONOMY
Define the universe; give three examples.


MEDICINE

You will be provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15 minutes.


COMPUTER SCIENCE

Write a fifth-generation computer language. Using this language, create a computer program to finish the rest of this exam for you.


PUBLIC SPEAKING

Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin, Hebrew, or Greek.


CIVIL ENGINEERING

This is a practical test of your design and building skills. With the boxes of toothpicks and glue present, build a platform that will support your weight when you and your platform are suspended over a vat of nitric acid.


MECHANICAL ENGINEERING

The disassembled parts of a howitzer have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In 10 minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel is appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.


ELECTRICAL ENGINEERING

You will be placed in a nuclear reactor and given a partial copy of the electrical layout. The electrical system has been tampered with. You have seventeen minutes to find the problem and correct it before the reactor melts down.


BIOLOGY

Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500,000 years earlier, with special attention to the probable effect, if any, on the Philippine social spectrum circa 1640. Prove your thesis.


RELIGION

Perform a miracle. Creativity will be judged.


MUSIC

Write a full piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with a flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.


LOGIC

Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position.

CHEMISTRY

You must identify a poison sample which you will find at your lab table. All necessary equipment has been provided. There are two beakers at your desk, one of which holds the antidote. If the wrong substance is used, it causes instant death. You may begin as soon as the professor injects you with a sample of the poison.


PSYCHOLOGY

Based on your knowledge of their early works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramses II, Gregory of Nicea, and Hammurabi. Support your evaluations with quotations from each man’s work, making appropriate references. Translate all quotations in Tagalog.


SOCIOLOGY

Identify the sociological problems which might be associated with the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.


ECONOMICS

Describe in four hundred words or less what you would have done to prevent the Great Depression.


MATHEMATICS

You have 60 seconds to mentally solve the mathematical problem below. Begin.


8,256.091 + _________ – ________ x ________ ¸ ________ = -38.07623


(Bonus question: Why is 11 not pronounced onety one? Provide a full numerical analysis in justifying your answer.)

POLITICAL SCIENCE

There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.


ART

Given one eight-count box of crayons and three sheets of notebook paper, recreate the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Skin tones should be true to life.


PHYSICS

Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an in-depth evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.


METAPHYSICS

Describe in detail the nature of life after death. Test your hypothesis.


PHILOSOPHY

Sketch the development of human thought. Estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.


GENERAL KNOWLEDGE

Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.