Masakit ang puso ko.

Literal na masakit ang puso ko.

I’m finding it really hard to breathe. It’s like someone has a strong grip around my neck. My chest is so heavy. I really can’t breathe well.

Last night, I had a chat with a dear friend. She’s actually the current girlfriend, and hopefully soon-to-be fiancee, of an ex-boyfriend. What started out as simple kamustahan turned out into a heart-to-heart talk.

She turned to me for help because she knows how very well I know the guy’s personality. We started sharing our problems, experiences, and insights. Of course, my past relationship with him was brought up. Mind you, that relationship was very nerve-wracking, and totally heart-breaking for me. After our break-up, I had a hard time concentrating on everything. I couldn’t eat well. I couldn’t sleep well. My physiological and psychological balance was disturbed.

I thought it would be just a few days until I get over the heartbreak. But the emotional and physical pain that the relationship left with me took more than just a few days to heal. It took me months. Heck, even years just to get over it.

And then last night, while we were talking, I realized that again, he betrayed my trust.

I never thought that after all the good things I’ve done for him, he will talk about me in such a negative way. Of course I was not privy to the actual statements that were used to describe me. However, because I know his personality, and also because I know how he speaks about his ex-girlfriends, I expect the worst.

Damn. Knowing that  made me really cry last night. I would not want him to talk about me that way. I never uttered a bad word about him… Yes, even after all the bad things that he did. I always talk about his being a good person — sweet, kind, generous, etc.

But he talks about his past relationships like he has no respect left for the ladies.

*sigh*

I never expected that he would talk about me in a compromised manner.

I hope he realizes how deeply hurt I am. I hope he’ll change for the better.

It’s not yet too late, anyway.

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3 thoughts on “Masakit ang puso ko.

  1. KISS KATE International March 25, 2008 at 9:40 pm Reply

    say what!? yeap he does not respect his past ladies, then how much more with his soon to be wife? a man in a relationship only shows his superficial attitude. so when he's married everything will come out. later on his treatment to his wife will have no difference on how he treated his past ladies, sad to say, including you. such a dork! grrrr!

  2. Jean Monique Sanchez March 26, 2008 at 4:29 pm Reply

    Naku… knowing him, marami na yong nakwento about me for sure. Of course most are probably good… But I fear for the bad things that he could've said about me… coz I've shared a lot of secrets with him.Sabi nga nung girl na habang nagkwekwento si guy about me, naaawa si girl sa akin… Di man lang daw ako pinatawad sa pagbadmouth nya. Haay.Yun nga rin iniisip ko… If he doesn't know how to respect his exes, pano pa kaya ang magiging asawa nya?! That's what I fear for the girl. (She's not actually a girl… she's quite older.) Anyway, that's why the girl was hesitant about saying "yes" to him.It's quite depressing actually.Ang hirap magexplain because, if I do, I would probably incriminate myself. I don't want to put myself in a compromising situation. Hehe. :)Haay. Sana magbago na sya. 😦

  3. KIKAY KATITAY March 30, 2008 at 12:38 am Reply

    =( that's a tough situation for his current GF. i guess he's not yet ready for commitments.

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