Sad.

I have a very miserable home life.

When will things get better?

I don’t get my parents. I hate how things are so bleak here at home. I HAD a home. Now, it’s just a house. I don’t know when I’ll be able to call it a home again.

Why can’t they just act like normal parents? Kailangan ba pang ipakita sa kids na they’re not doing well? I don’t want to have a broken family. So please… maging open-minded naman sila sana pareho and discuss things.

Mama think she’s carrying the weight of the world. I hate how she nags from the moment I wake up to the moment I sleep.

Sometimes, I just want to leave and not go home ever. I want to stay in school as long as I could so I could lessen my exposure to her biting and selfish words. She thinks we’re not doing anything. Sheesh. Then what are we doing in school? Aren’t we studying? It’s just a consolation that I’m not doing bad in school. At least I have some “happy happy joy joy” moments. It’s also a good thing that I have friends and super friends. Buti na lang din na there is someone who inspires me to do good things. I love you. I love all of you.

Mama thinks she’s always right. But she should know better.

Why can’t they act like adults and settle their problems?

Haay. Ang gulo.

Ayaw ko na magexplain.

Basta, I’m such in a bad mood.

I feel so terrible. Guilty at the same time. It’s as if everything’s my fault. Is it my fault that I’m the firstborn? That I’m part of a big family? Kanina, habang nagmomonologue si mama, sumagot ako. At ayon, nagalit. Syempre, ipagtatanggol ko lang naman si Papa dahil ayaw ko naman silang mag-away. Sabi niya, dapat daw matuto kaming magalit kay Papa. Eh kami naman, hindi naman kami nagagalit sa kahit kanino kasi wala namang dahilan. We’re all doing our best in our own way. Tapos sobrang nagalit si mama, nagdrama. Napakaclose-minded kasi… Hindi niya makita na there is actually another way than HER way. Parang kasi siya yung isa kung friend, once she sets her mind onto something, yun na yun. As in. Kahit na ikaw na yung nasa katwiran, mali ka pa rin.

Haay. Nakakainis talaga.

Natatawa lang din ako kasi yung mga taong nakapaligid sakin, akala nila ang galing-galing ko. Tipong pano ko nagagawa ang mga bagay-bagay. Feeling nila magaling ako sa lahat ng aspeto. Siguro iniisip nila wala akong problema.

Di lang nila alam kung gano ako naghihirap para itago lang sa mga tao kung ano ang tunay na nangyayari sa buhay ko. Bakit ko pa naman kasi kayo iinvolve diba? Pero syempre, may “boiling point” din ako.

Lagi akong hinihingian ng advice. Lagi akong tumutulong sa mga tao. Isang text o tawag mo lang sakin, andyan na ko para tulungan ko.

Pero bakit ganon, sarili kong buhay hindi ko maayos?

Kung ano pa ang pinakaimportanteng parte ng buhay ko, ang pamilya ko, yun pa ang hindi maayos-ayos.

Ang hirap lang.

Kailangan ko lang talagang mairelease to kasi naman… I’m studying for an 8am exam tom. 10 hours to go para magaral at matulog at magpunta ng school.

Di tuloy ako makafocus sa pagaaral dahil sa problema dito sa bahay. 😦

I’m so sad.

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13 thoughts on “Sad.

  1. ike tacata October 7, 2008 at 11:17 pm Reply

    this happens all the time. lagi tayong may "tamang" advice pero sa buhay natin hindi natin masabihan…you're strong. i love you monmon. be strong in God. Siya lang yung nagheal ng heart ko… 😀

  2. Joseph Chua October 8, 2008 at 1:10 am Reply

    i'll be praying for you. i pray that pride, hurt, and bitterness would be replaced by love, understanding, and forgiveness. i also pray that God would give you the wisdom and strength to handle the stress. i guess it's times like these that we're forced to cling to God and to trust in His sovereignty. "Casting all your care upon Him, for He careth for you." 1 Peter 5:7

  3. Janina Paula Sy October 8, 2008 at 1:48 am Reply

    hey, monique. every family is dysfunctional in their own peculiar way. believe me. but i'm very sure that yours would be able to get through this trial. your parents are sensible adults, and they would figure out their problems. just give them some time.you're a strong woman, monique. i know you are. i'll be praying for you as well. have faith. 🙂

  4. Revina Que October 8, 2008 at 2:22 am Reply

    Hindi naman. You're human like everyone else. You don't have to be perfect to be good at giving advice. You don't have to be perfect, period. It's not your fault, and I think you're coping very well, considering the circumstances.If you seek God and have faith, and everything will work out. Maybe not the way you expect it to, but all in God's good plan for your life. No life is devoid of problems, but when God's on your side, you never lose. :-)I'll be praying for you, Moe dear. I had no idea na ganun ang situation mo ngayon, and I admire your honesty and openness. It's not your fault, and you don't have to be the one to provide all the answers. With God at your side, you'll emerge from this a better person. You're a survivor. 🙂

  5. laura tingson October 8, 2008 at 3:16 am Reply

    hmmm..wala naman dapat ikagalit cguro eh noh? :)sabi ng mom ko..kahit daw gano ka worst ung parents..wala daw dapat ikagalit sa kahit kanino saknla 🙂

  6. Jean Monique Sanchez October 8, 2008 at 6:22 am Reply

    Wow. Thanks Nikki! 😀 I was quite hoping you'd reply here coz I need your advice. :DThank you so much Nikki! I love you I love you! 😀

  7. Jean Monique Sanchez October 8, 2008 at 6:23 am Reply

    Thanks Joseph. Now, I'm just lifting everything, all my concerns and worries, etc. to God. 🙂

  8. Jean Monique Sanchez October 8, 2008 at 6:24 am Reply

    Thanks Nina. I'm okay now. Buti na lang nakatulog ako ng maayos. Hehe.Akala ko galit pa rin sa akin si Mama after what I did last night… Buti naman we're all okay. 🙂 I hope they'll get to figure things out soon…Thanks for the prayers ha! 😀

  9. Jean Monique Sanchez October 8, 2008 at 6:27 am Reply

    I just felt like I had to write about it. Writing is a form of release of pent up emotions kasi. At times I feel like my heart is going to explode kasi.Pahiram naman ng mga inspirational books. :DThanks Revs for the prayers ha… Oo nga eh. I don't have to be perfect. I just have to keep that in mind.So yon… you and my other friends know something "imperfect" na about me. Hehe.I am a survivor. Yey! 😀

  10. Jean Monique Sanchez October 8, 2008 at 6:28 am Reply

    Well, I dunno. :)Your mom should tell that to my mom. Hehe. 😀 That's what I was telling mama last night eh… Baka sa mom mo, makikinig siya. 😀

  11. Corie Miguel October 9, 2008 at 2:38 pm Reply

    Hi Moe. I truly feel for you. As a parent myself, I do sometimes commit mistakes and I totally agree that we have to be very careful with our language and the way we treat our family. It is totally wrong to say that parents are always right because it is not true at all. But whatever your mom and dad are going through right now, please be there for them. They need your love, understanding, prayer and support.Here I want to share with you some passages from the bible…Colossians 3:12-14 "You are the people of God; he loved you and chose you for his own. So then, you must clothe yourselveswith compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Be tolerant with one another and forgive one another whenever any of you has a complaint against someone else. You must forgive one another just as the Lord has forgiven you. And to all these qualities add love, which binds all things together in perfect unity."Colossians 3:18-21 "Wives, submit to your husbands for that is what you should do as Christians. "Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, it is your Christian duty to obey your parents always, for that is what pleases God. Parents, do not irritate your children, or they will become discouraged."Be persistent in prayer. Just remember, we have a BIG GOD and only small problems.

  12. Roarke-Brent Gayeta October 9, 2008 at 2:39 pm Reply

    HEy monique :DSmile, though the pressure feels like its on you its not. you feel guilty cause you love so much, and it frustrates you to no end kasi you dont feel the love you share to others from the 1 source you seek, which is your family. Understand your mum, put your place in her shoes, and react to how she reacts in her mind to allow her to see you get her. but once the high tension is over, explain to her your side as a daughter, and as the ATE of the family, that even though you can see her side, her actions hurt you and your other siblings. approach her with the same love you approach other people with . the caring and loving heart you have is a Great blessing from GOd, and i pray that you'll cont to use it for His great glory. It may seem unfair that you are placed in this situation, but in truth its a great Honor and a blessing that GOd has blessed you with such an amazing gift to share with your family unconditionally. Hugs monique. GOd is with you. 🙂 always here in love – roarke

  13. Jean Monique Sanchez October 9, 2008 at 2:45 pm Reply

    Tita Corie,Thank you sooo much for the advice. I miss you!I'll be really really persistent in my prayers. Thank you thank you!Hope to see you soon… *hugs*

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