I’m wondering if he really values and appreciates me.
I do not want to poison the well because he is a really nice person. I guess people do have different personalities and sometimes it is very hard to compromise… because most of the time I expect a lot. I demand. Partly because I think and know that I deserve more… because all my life, people expected much of me. And maybe because of that, I’ve been trained to give more of what is expected of me. I am passionate… I love giving him surprises. My friends might think I am too extravagant but I guess little things coupled with big gestures can really be alled extravagant when packaged beautifully. At times, I do not want to expect anymore. Because expecting a lot leads to major disappointments. But what can I do? Sometimes I get really sad because I feel underappreciated. Alam ko na hindi ako dapat humingi ng kapalit… But all I’m asking for is fair treatment. I want him to show his love for me the way that I show my love for him. Siguro nasanay lang din… ako na spoiled sa mga bagay-bagay. I’ve been showered with so many blessings from God and from other people… Oh well. I’m not ranting but I just want to share how I feel. Buti na lang siguro at magkalayo kami… at pareho kaming busy–sya sa work, ako sa studies, organizations, Kule, etc. The thing is, should I just lower my expectations? Or should I expect nothing at all?
[To my family, superfriends, and friends: Sorry kung hind ako masyadong makwento. You know me… I need time before I open up. It took me 2 years before I opened up to my superfriends regarding problems at home… It’s hard for me to talk about things that I know would burden my friends… So okay na siguro less kwento, para less mental baggage for them. Hehe. Miss you all!]